If engagement talk makes you run for a bucket then I suggest getting out of this post quick smart!
Welcoming you to my first “musings on love” wedding diary entry.
I thought it would be fitting to discuss the first key symbol that traditionally kicks off this path of love… The Engagement Ring.
Since sharing my engagement news with family and friends I have been lovingly bombarded with the same questions over and over. The most popular being “How did he propose & did he get down on one knee?”.
Side Note: Fellas! If you’re reading this, know that you too may be sledge hammered with these questions one day. So think about it. What’s the story you want to tell and perhaps consider this: I am yet to hear a girl ever say “I wish he didn’t get down on one knee”.
(And in case you were wondering, yes he did!)
The second question that swiftly follows is “Can I see your ring?!”.
Now before I dive into the title of the post “To choose or not to choose your engagement ring” I want to offer a quick reminder that an engagement ring is extremely personal. Everyone has a different approach to a ring, different tastes and different desires. So let’s not lose sight of what an engagement ring represents first and foremost: love & commitment NOT wealth and status! I really struggle with people who look at engagement rings as some sort of bullshit representation of wealth. Please don’t ever become one of those people.
I friggin’ love my ring. And my reason for loving it most is because he, my fiancé, loves it. And so he should. after all, he chose it.
Well not entirely… He did get a little guidance – because he asked for it.
Some proposals are completely out of the blue but let’s face it, most are not. There’s usually been a discussion about marriage and the future. I definitely fall into this category. I knew a proposal was on the horizon but I had no idea when. And when it came to the ring, he wanted guidance but also wanted me to be surprised. So he did a clever thing. He casually e-mailed me a ring website with the brief message “Check out this site. What’s your favourite setting?”. I checked it out and casually replied “Halo setting” while secretly squealing inside. We never discussed the subject again and this meant I never had go down the path of hint dropping. So my fiancé combined my setting of choice with his diamond of choice and today the ring represents our first beautiful little collaboration. From his one simple e-mail, he nailed it!
Another popular proposal which I think is genius is to propose with a “dummy” ring. A friend of mine did this recently and it worked a treat. He proposed with a dummy ring so good it actually looked real. (I think it cost him $20) This way he got to pop a ring of sorts on to her newly engaged finger straight after popping the almighty question. Then they flew to New York together and went ring shopping. (How romantic!) He didn’t ever have to sweat bullets over whether or not he chose the right ring and she got to choose exactly what she wanted. Hey presto! Everyone’s happy.
I’ve also heard beautiful stories of proposals with a single unadorned diamond and the promise of a ring setting, or my favourite, a proposal with a family heirloom (perhaps a great grandmother’s engagement ring). Now imagine the stories etched into that little piece of history. Oh my!
But some people have no interest in choosing their engagement ring. My mum falls into this category. She believes that you will always love your ring no matter what because it comes from the person you love the most.
I love this sentiment! So if you’re happy to leave it in the hands of your admirer then I say go for it.
However, the world is a place saturated with endless choices and you can’t blame a person for wanting to have some say and give some guidance on the one piece of jewellery they ideally wear for the rest of their lives! There is nothing wrong with feeling this way. The question is, how do you point your partner in the right direction when they aren’t showing signs of wanting your input.
Here are some tips on how to drop the ring hint:
Note: I wouldn’t recommend doing any of these things if the topic of marriage hasn’t been touched upon, otherwise you run the risk of appearing like a stage 5 clinger! Eeeep!
- Enlist your trusty bestie. If your partner is smart they will know to ask the person closest to you. So load up your bestie with your dream ring shortlist just in case he takes this route.
- “Accidentally on purpose” leave a website or Pinterest board with your “dream rings” open on a browser somewhere. Although most guys would never admit it, they love a good snoop.
- Go window shopping with him. Stop in front of a jeweller’s display window and point out a ring you think is beautiful. He may act disinterested but trust me, he’s taking note.
- Subtly give feedback on your friends’ engagement rings you love. For example you could say “How much did Tom nail it with that emerald cut ring he got Sophie?”. He’ll get the hint.
So what do you think? Would you want to choose or not choose your engagement ring? Would you drop the hint or allow yourself to embrace complete surprise?
I think one thing is blatantly clear; the journey of a ring comes in many incarnations. It can come in the form of a solo decision, a tango for two or a even a group number. But whatever the decision, every love story is different just as no two couples are the same. Ultimately what matters most is what this precious gift symbolizes; a beautiful gesture of love and the promise of commitment.
Love Gemma xo
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